I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
