the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
