the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
