"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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