Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
