i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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