My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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