My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
