Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Dick very happy bro
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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