I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
