I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i now understand why vodka
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
