Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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