And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
