And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
