Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Congratulations! We have a period
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
