Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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