I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
