Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
