You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
