I need help removing her.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
