She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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