I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
