There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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