Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
