Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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