Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
