Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
