Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
