i think my tv is drunk
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
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