so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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