i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
