my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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