let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
