I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
