Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
