I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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