So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
