Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
