i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
