Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
