i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
