My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
