I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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