That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
