theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
