I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
