ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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