why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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