I got chris browned last night
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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