I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
