You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Randomize
