Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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